the future is exciting.

I'm headed home after Christmas. Being home close with family makes it so hard to leave. I love the mountains and the independence of my first "big girl" job. I miss the sunshine, albeit cold landscapes and snow. Even though its rainy, dreary, and gray outside, St. Louis is home. Living so far away is hard! So much harder than I have ever imagined.

Moving to Montana was a huge leap but an absolute dream.  Moving to a gorgeous town far away has been an exciting and terrifying journey. For the first time, I really feel like I'm growing up and leaving things behind.

I understand why many choose to stay close to home -- especially people who are horrible on the phone like me, a phone call is never enough. This was my last trip home for a while-- walking away from the enormous amount of love and support is not something I'm looking forward to.

Right now, the impending stretch of going home is looming. Not seeing family for a while (plus living through a Montana Winter) isn't all that appealing.

I'm not sure what I want out of life. I want to have adventures. I am lucky to have this chance to live freely.

I want to live where I can fall asleep on my sister's couch, but also where I can climb mountains. Those things don't currently co-exist.

The ennui is from a lot of things: being out of college, living in a small town, missing my family, never seeing the sun. But moving away means you don't have the friends you used to have-- and never can again. I can't go back to college and time will move no matter what.

In college, there is only opportunity, there is only the future. Post college there are actual choices: and every choice means something lost. Moving away from home means... being away from home. Taking one job means not having another. In college, even after you choose a major, you can continue course work in a field. Post-college, I can't choose both city life and rural, choose family and distance.

Right now I'm far away and living in a small town. I have adventure and sunshine and independence. And right now, that's enough.

photo found on pinterest forever ago, from aaimadewithlove.com

Turkey Prints

It's been above freezing all week! This is incredibly welcome after my visit to balmy St. Louis for Thanksgiving. It's been nice to get out every day at lunch and walk in the sunlight, as the sun is rising as I drive to work and setting as I leave.

That's one of the best and one of the worst parts of a Montana winter-- the best part is that there's a magnificent sunrise every morning, where the snowcapped mountains reflect the fading pink and gold sky.

I climb the "mountain" across from my office every lunch break. Typing it makes it sound way cooler than it actually is. I mean, the view is gorgeous and the sunlight incredibly refreshing after sitting in dark office all day, but its not like I'm climbing Everest, its just a steep walk.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, turkey prints! Turkeys like to climb mountains too. Which is strange.

This was prethanksgiving -10 degree weather. This is the sort of weather that freezes your eyes.

huff puff

Huff-puff is a small mountain across from my office. The last time I hiked this was in September--it's too dark after work to hike now. The mountain is named Huff-puff due to the steepness of the beginning and and end of the trail.  The hike is a winding trail that takes about 45 minutes and is absolutely beautiful. The trail winds through the forest and ends on top of Huff Puff, which over looks [I think] the Anaconda range of the Rockies.

One thing I didn't get used to in the summer was temperature changes. Frosty mornings, warm afternoons, cold nights. Wearing pants and a sweater, only to change into shirt sleeves by afternoon.

Days are endless; I became spoiled by the hours of sunlight after work and feeling like I had forever to explore. Which is a false sense: now that I'm in the beginning of winter, and sunlight is fierce, cold and short.