Moving to Montana was a huge leap but an absolute dream. Moving to a gorgeous town far away has been an exciting and terrifying journey. For the first time, I really feel like I'm growing up and leaving things behind.
I understand why many choose to stay close to home -- especially people who are horrible on the phone like me, a phone call is never enough. This was my last trip home for a while-- walking away from the enormous amount of love and support is not something I'm looking forward to.
Right now, the impending stretch of going home is looming. Not seeing family for a while (plus living through a Montana Winter) isn't all that appealing.
I'm not sure what I want out of life. I want to have adventures. I am lucky to have this chance to live freely.
I want to live where I can fall asleep on my sister's couch, but also where I can climb mountains. Those things don't currently co-exist.
The ennui is from a lot of things: being out of college, living in a small town, missing my family, never seeing the sun. But moving away means you don't have the friends you used to have-- and never can again. I can't go back to college and time will move no matter what.
In college, there is only opportunity, there is only the future. Post college there are actual choices: and every choice means something lost. Moving away from home means... being away from home. Taking one job means not having another. In college, even after you choose a major, you can continue course work in a field. Post-college, I can't choose both city life and rural, choose family and distance.
Right now I'm far away and living in a small town. I have adventure and sunshine and independence. And right now, that's enough.
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